This is me. 6.21.22.

~celebrating my 36th birthday in November of 2020~

This picture tells you two things. I love the color blue and I love beanies in the fall and winter--but only because I just told you.

In order for any of this to make sense, you should probably know some hard facts. I am 37, I have stage 3 Endometriosis--a condition that makes it hard to get pregnant, and I have lived with Bipolar 1 Disorder since I was 16. Twenty-one long years of being completely reliant on three kinds of medication. All of which can harm an unborn baby. The most important fact of all: I've wanted children for as long as I can remember.

That's where things get tricky, right?

I should also mention my long-term boyfriend of 14 (almost and a half) years recently proposed to me on Memorial Day Weekend, hence, setting the ball that was once paused back into motion. Cutie, I know.

Marriage that once seemed like a faraway reality for us now is almost within my grasp, becoming as tangible as the aquamarine, emerald-cut ring on my size 4 3/4 finger.

I am filled with this newfound hope that all my dreams can come true. Having a family has always been at the top of my list.

Do you believe in miracles? I do. That's why this blog exists.

With my psychiatrist, I have finally, after a very, very long interim, have begun preparing an action plan to put me on the path to motherhood, ultimately. The plan? Taper me off my medication, lowering dose by dose over periods of time, til I am off completely OR the medical team we collaborate with says it's okay. The goal: to have a healthy baby boy or girl.

I have never been completely off my meds since I was 16. This is a big one. I'm scared to death but excited at the possibility that in a couple of years, Richard and I will have a baby of our very own.

And I plan to document it all here, on this blog. You are more than welcome to tune in.

Until next time, ciao!